Venus Fly Trap
by candlewriter
Summary: "You know you remind me of a venus fly trap.." He went to stick his finger in one of the traps, but Maddie slapped his hand away, not because she didn't want him to get hurt, but because she didn't want to plant to be damaged. "You look cute but you're a biter for sure."
1. Prologue

Madeleine Hart's phone buzzed in her pocket to signal that she had a text. This was only slightly unusual as she didn't have many people's notifications on, if someone desperately needed her they'd know to call her. She pulled her phone out assuming it was one of her older brothers sending her a fresh™ meme, but to her surprise it was Clyde Donovan. Now this was definitely unusual, partially because Clyde rarely sends her a message directly, if he has something to say to her he wasn't afraid to say it in the group chat, but also because Clyde was sat directly opposite her so whatever he wanted to say to her he really didn't want to say in front of the other guys.

Clyde: dude Kenny has been staring at the back of ur head for the past 10 minutes

Maddie: probably zoning out tbh, sometimes when you look at his eyes its like you can hear elevator music

Clyde: stare into his eyes much? Lol

Maddie: shut up asshole

Clyde: nah but he's done it almsot every lunch for the past 4 weeks

Clyde: *almsot

Clyde: FUCK *almost

Maddie: like I said bro, elevator music

Clyde: im gonna tell u to come watch a video + u can see for yourself

Clyde: when i nudge u look up

"Mads come look at this." Clyde laughed, motioning for her to go over to his side of the lunch table. The boy was a surprisingly good actor.

"I swear if it's another dick pic I'm going to slap you into next week." She played along, getting up to join him.

"Another?" Craig snorted, sounding only slightly surprised. He didn't pry any further when neither of them answered and went back to his conversation with Token, Tweek, and Jimmy.

Maddie looked down at Clyde's video, and to his credit there was a montage of cats falling off of walls. When Clyde nudged her she looked away from the phone.

"Come on! You know I hate videos like that! Those poor cats!" This was completely truthful so it wasn't difficult to fake at all. She looked up and away from the phone, her eyes darting around until they met Kenny's across the lunchroom. Like Clyde said, he was staring directly at her and rather than seeming embarrassed to have been caught, he smirked. Maddie quickly averted her eyes and went back to her seat, soon tuning back into the conversation between the other boys which appeared to be a debate on who's the most 'buff'.

Madeleine moved to South Park from New York when she was 13. At first she was determined to not make any friends, she hated the town and she hated the people in it. After 2 weeks she warmed up to Token, he seemed like the most grounded person compared to the insanity that seemed to follow everyone else in her class. Another week later they found themselves 'dating' to put it loosely. They never really considered themselves together, it was more that everyone else expected them to be a couple as at 13 it was unheard of for a boy and girl to be friends without them also secretly frenching behind the bleachers. Maddie was soon integrated into what was known as "Craig's Gang" which she was delighted to find a group of people who were also fairly 'normal' barring Tweek's caffeine addiction, Craig's obsessive use of his middle finger, and Clyde's general vanity. Token and Maddie 'broke up' after a couple of weeks of 'dating' though they continued to be as close friends as ever and her place in the group remained. Of course rumours went around that she was screwing all of the boys but when Tweek and Craig came out as a couple people focused more on them and Maddie blissfully slipped into a life of irrelevancy. However, Kenny was threatening that irrelevancy by staring at her. If what Clyde had said was true and he'd been staring for days, maybe even weeks, his obnoxious group of assheads were bound to pick up on it.

The bell rang to signal that they had 5 minutes to get to next period, which for Maddie was Science, and the lunchroom quickly dispersed.

"Later losers." Maddie gave her group of friends a short salut goodbye as she picked up her bag and left. She loved Science but sadly none of her friends were in the class with her and she was stuck sat next to Butters, who despite being an absolute little sweetheart, was a primary target for Cartman's schemes and thus put Maddie at the risk of being caught up in one. Bless the boy though, he was still nothing but nice to her.

Madeleine got her books out of her bag and popped them down on the desk as she shuffled into her seat, trying her best to tune out whatever Butters was saying to her. As soon as their teacher Professor Gardener walked in a hush fell across the classroom. Professor Gardener was known for being particularly strict, especially when it came to noise in his classroom. Not even Cartman dared to talk much.

Maddie scribbled down notes on photosynthesis, only half paying attention as she was more excited about the fact that it was Friday and she had no plans for the weekend which meant that she got to play video games alone for hours on end.

"Don't get all excited, I'm going to be assigning your partners for this project." Suddenly Maddie wished she had been paying more attention. The word 'project' was daunting enough, but 'partners'? That was truly terrifying. For once, she hoped to be paired with Butters, she could stand Butters if they were working in solitude. Groans echoed around the class as the Professor wrote up the names of each pair and which plant they were given to study for the following weeks. Her heart paused as Butters was paired with Kyle Broflovski and she desperately scanned the class for anyone else who would be vaguely tolerable. Stan Marsh was out of the question as his girlfriend Wendy was jealous at another girl looking at him, let alone spending a long period of time raising a plant with him. Eric Cartman was out of the question for obvious reasons. She finally settled on Annie Knitts being the next best partner, she was a quiet girl yet popular enough to not be picked on.

Maddie watched as her name was written up on the board and held her breath as her partners name was written up next to it.

Kenneth McCormick.

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 1

_**I didn't even realise I had the entirety of the first chapter written and just hadn't posted it? sorry for the delay there, I didn't think anyone was actually going to read this story! I think this is the first time where I have the full story planned out from start to finish so I'm (hopefully) way more likely to actually see it through to the end**_

Madeleine Hart & Kenneth McCormick - Venus Fly Trap

There it was, written on the board in Professor Gardener's unmistakable cursive. Books were dropped on the desk next to Maddie's with a thud and her nose was assaulted with cheap cologne.

"Well aren't I lucky?" His voice was smooth with a hint of playfulness and it was no surprise to Maddie that girls dropped their panties at the sound of it. She was determined not to be one of those girls.

"As much as I'd like to completely avoid you, I refuse to do this project alone and let you take half of the credit." She huffed, bringing her gaze up to glare at him only to be met with his signature smirk for the second time that day.

"Fine by me, I think we'd work well together" He said, his arm sliding over Maddie's shoulder which she immediately shrugged off as she shuffled to the very opposite edge of her seat. Professor Gardner placed a couple of venus fly traps on their desk with a sheet of questions they were tasked with answering. She began scanning the questions, immediately picking which ones she wanted to do.

Does the PH balance of the soil affect the growth?

Does the noise level around the plant affect the growth?

Does the color of light affect the growth?

She placed little stars next to the questions, but Kenny's hand got in the way of the last one which was specific to the venus fly trap.

Does the plant prefer certain insects over others?

At first she tried nudging his hand out of the way, but he either didn't get the message or deliberately wanted to annoy her further. Looking up at his stupidly smug to ask him to move confirmed that it was the latter of the two. Angrily exhaling out of her nose, she instead drew the star on his knuckle. To her surprise, instead of getting annoyed in return he moved his hand up to his face to study the star with a smile.

"Cute, like you." Kenny noted, causing Maddie to roll her eyes and return to placing a star on the paper where it belonged.

"I hate to break it to you, but your charms are not going to work on me." She informed him, pulling one of the plants closer to her to study closer.

"My charms eh?" He chuckled, mirroring her movements. Maddie decided to not entertain him any further by protesting in the way he clearly wanted her to. Once Kenny realised she wasn't going to respond he spoke again. "You know you remind me of a venus fly trap.." He went to stick his finger in one of the traps, but Maddie slapped his hand away, not because she didn't want him to get hurt, but because she didn't want to plant to be damaged. "You look cute but you're a biter for sure." The bell went to signify the end of the lesson, and as she had the last period free she would be able to go home early for maximum gaming time.

"I changed my mind, I can easily do this project alone." Maddie sighed, making an attempt to scoop up all four plants, but a hand on her arm stopped her from taking the last one.

"Hey now, we're partners, we'll work on it together." His voice was almost soothing, that's probably how he lured girls into sleeping with him. "I'll take uh.. Color of light and insects?"

"If I trusted you to actually do the work I'd say we wouldn't even have to work together, just each do our part and then stick the two halves together." She rolled her eyes and pushed two of the fly traps towards him.

"What a treat for me that you don't trust me then." Kenny said, taking the two plants. "Hey give me your phone real quick."

"I don't have it on me today." Maddie lied quickly, she didn't know why he wanted to have it in the first place but she didn't care either.

"Nice try but I saw you on it at lunch today." He used his elbow to lean on the desk and grinned at her, knowing full well he had won.

"Fucking Clyde.." She mumbled, pulling out her phone and sliding it over to him. She checked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't scrolling through her camera roll or recent messages. He input his contact into her phone under the name 'Kenny?￢ﾀﾙ which she rolled her eyes at.

"Sorry but the eggplant emoji is reserved for Token." She informed him, he snorted and changed it to 'Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ'.

"Token got a nice eggplant?" He questioned as he sent himself a message from Maddie's phone.

Maddie?: fuck me kenny you're so hot

"Wouldn't you like to know, asshole?" She snatched her phone back and scowled at him. There was no doubt in her mind that he'd use a screenshot of that against her at some point. "Once this project is over we're never talking again."

"Whatever you say princess." He smirked, checking his own phone and as Maddie predicted, screenshotting the message he had sent himself. Maddie picked up her bags and her two plants and stormed out of the classroom, bumping into Craig on her way out.

"God I thought you were never going to leave." He huffed as they walked down the hallway together, Craig had last period free too so the pair normally walked home together when Craig wasn't able to borrow his dad's car to drive them home.

"Sorry, I got caught up by an idiot." She explained grumpily, walking a little faster to keep up with his longer legs. "I'm stuck working on a dumb projected with Kenneth of all people."

"Ew." Craig's response was simple but she couldn't agree more with it. 'Ew' was the perfect way to describe how she felt about the entire project.

"Help me carry my children." She instructed, passing him one of the fly traps. "I think I'll name them Ben and Jerry after the only guys who I will ever truly love."

"Wow hurt." Craig snorted, not sounding hurt in the slightest.

"Aw I guess I kind of tolerate you Craigy-boo." She laughed, nudging him with her shoulder to which he responded by flipping her off. "No car today?" She asked despite already knowing the answer. They wouldn't be walking if he had the car.

"Nope, my dad had an early meeting or some bullshit." He sighed, holding the plant further away from him as though he were afraid it would lean in and bite him by itself. Before Maddie could respond her phone buzzed in her pocket.

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: whatever you say, Princess

Maddie?: I say this from the bottom of my heart…

Maddie?: choke on a dick

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: such sweet words from such a sweet ass

Rolling her eyes, Maddie ignored the message and shoved her phone back into her pocket with so much aggression that it almost dragged her pants down with it, which would not have been ideal.

"You coming to Clyde's party tomorrow?" Craig asked, sensing she needed something to take her mind off of whatever she had seen on her phone.

"Shit that's tomorrow? I was hoping to chill at home all day with my games, I was thinking of replaying Infamous Second Son." She sighed, realising that instead of the nice do-nothing day she had to dress up and pretend she enjoys socialising.

"He's invited basically everyone in our grade and told everyone to bring whatever alcohol they can get their hands on, it's going to be messy." Craig noted, Maddie thought back to the one other party Clyde hosted, she didn't go herself but she went round to fix the aftermath and immediately left when she saw vomit somehow staining the ceiling. His dad grounded him for a month but there was no way she was touching anyone else's bodily fluids to help him out.

"I've never been to a party before, how slutty am I expected to look?" She questioned, thinking about her wardrobe which consisted almost solely out of baggy t-shirts, hoodies she stole from her friends, and jeans. She had no idea how any of those would go down with the party-people in her grade.

"Very, you got anything that shows your ass and tits off?" To which Maddie just snorted.

"Yeah, my underwear." She responded with sarcasm. "Which according to the zoo isn't 'socially acceptable attire' or whatever."

"Why were you in your underwear at the zoo again?" He asked, trying to recall the situation from a year or so ago.

"Well everything happens for a reason..." She explained vaguely. "Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions and drink alcohol underaged in public and spill half a bottle of wine on your clothes and think that the best way to solve the problem is to just take everything off."

"Dude how didn't you get arrested?" Craig inquired, he hadn't been there that day due to helping Tweek out on a shift at the coffee shop.

"Token gave me his t-shirt to wear as a dress and just pretended I had heat stroke when I practically passed out on him." She recalled, Token always came to the rescue when she did dumb things, and Maddie did dumb things a lot. She didn't know how or why he still put up with her after all that time, but she wasn't going to complain about having such a good friend. Meanwhile, Clyde egged her on all the time and more often than not was the one to drag her into dumb situations. Craig never really gave a shit about what was going on, Tweek was too stressed out constantly, and Jimmy just didn't want to get involved most of the time.

"But I really don't have anything to wear to the party, let alone any makeup that's not expired." Maddie pointed out, she was pretty sure some of her makeup was still Hannah Montana themed.

"Makeup expires?" Craig questioned. "Does it like.. Go mouldy?"

"Nah just.. Chemically.." She responded, thinking back to the time she went to cover some spots with an old concealer only for it to come out like expired milk, chunky yet also watery.

"Wanna stop by the mall tomorrow morning? I need to get a new shirt anyway and I think Clyde wants to grab supplies from Party City." Craig offered, to which Maddie quickly agreed. As much as she wanted to say she couldn't make it to the party and instead do what she had originally planned, she had not only ditched on Clyde's party, but also turned down every party invitation she had been given that included getting all dressed up since she had gotten to South Park. She made a promise that she'd be at the next party and she never broke a promise, no matter how much Infamous Second Son called for her.

"Hey, can I wear this wig so no one recognises me?" Maddie asked, peering out at her friends from the end of the aisle at Party City with a cheap, neon pink wig on.

"No one will recognise you in a dress anyway." Token pointed out with a grin, Maddie snorted and nodded her head in agreement. She couldn't recall a single time she had worn a dress since moving to South Park, her mom would normally be the one to stick her in dresses but she wasn't around to do that anymore, so she took after her three older brother's sense of style which was basically non existent.

"Speaking of dresses, I'm going to need one of you suckers to stay at the mall and help me pick one." She informed the group of boys, who all widened their eyes and looked at one another in panic.

"NOES GOES!" Token called out, they all rushed to tap their noses, all but Clyde who took a moment to process what was happening.

"What the fuck guys?!" He complained, realising he had lost. "I need to set up the party! I can't stay behind and wait for Mads to find a dress!"

"Dude your dad gave us all spare keys to your house because he doesn't trust you." Craig pointed out. "Plus you suck at setting up parties, at least we'll actually remember to put out the snacks."

"That was one time…" Clyde mumbled, paying for the party supplies they'd bought. "Fine I'll help you pick out a dress, IF I get to watch you changing." He smirked at Maddie who rolled her eyes.

"Never mind, I'll do it myself." She huffed, grabbing her backpack and making her way out of the store. The group of boys all looked at Clyde who sighed dramatically.

"Maddie wait!" He called out, chasing after her.

Clyde developed his own rating system for the dresses Maddie tried on, ranging from 'Get on my dick' to 'Stay the fuck away from my dick'. So far only one had rated a 'Stay the fuck away from my dick' which she had only picked out for a laugh, it was neon yellow and about 2 sizes too pick, she looked like she was just wearing a radioactive bag or something. The majority of the dresses rated a 'Maybe if I've had a few drinks I'll let you touch my dick'.

Maddie was down to her last dress, which was a simple little black slip that was plain enough not to draw too much attention to her, but nice enough to also not draw too much attention to her.

"Hey asshat, can you help me zip this one up?" She asked, emerging from the dressing room backwards so the zip was facing Clyde. He quickly zipped it up, mumbling a joke about how much better he is at taking dresses off of girls. She turned around to face him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Shit I'd hit that!" He nodded in approval, a grin on his face. "That's the one."


	3. Chapter 2

Maddie had somehow managed to track down an unopened eyeshadow palette she'd gotten as a secret santa gift from someone who clearly didn't know her well, and a lipstick that wasn't just a sticky mess. She looked up a tutorial on youtube for a 'natural' makeup look, not wanting to look too trashy.

"Have you actually got a date tonight or something?" Thomas, Maddie's oldest brother asked. "I've never seen you so dressed up."

"Nah, Clyde is throwing another party and the gang begged me to come to this one." She sighed in response, grabbing some chips out of the bag he was holding.

"I would tell you to make good choices but I've seen you drunk." He chuckled, she rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm not _that_ bad!" She protested. "Louis is way worse, or do you need me to remind you of the oven incident?"

"I've told you not to talk about that!" Louis protested as he walked into the kitchen to join his siblings, only catching the end of the conversation. "Mads why are you so dressed up?"

"She's going to a party." Thomas told him. "Where's Noah? I thought you two were watching a movie tonight." He was referring to their other brother, Louis' twin.

"I thought so too! But nope, he's 'studying' or whatever." Louis rolled his eyes. "Ever since he started college he's become so lame."

"Dude he's studying to save lives, how is that lame?" Maddie questioned, shaking her head in disbelief. "I mean, what are _you_ doing with your life?"

"Just because I'm not in college doesn't mean I'm not doing anything!" Louis argued back.

"Do you really want to be stuck washing dishes at fucking Casa Bonita for the rest of your life?" She rolled her eyes at her older brother.

"Well no but…" He was at a loss for words for a second. "Thomas didn't go to college and he's got a good job! I'm just waiting for my lucky break, ya know?"

"Hey don't bring me into this!" Thomas protested. "I want no part of this argument!"

"Whatever." Maddie sighed. "Don't wait up for me tonight I'll probably crash at someone else's house. Last thing I need is to bump into Dad coming home from work while I'm shit faced."

"Wouldn't be the first time." Louis pointed out.

"Yes but hopefully the last time that happened was exactly that, the last time." She told him, grabbing her purse. "There's leftover lasagna in the freezer from the other night, there should be enough for you three, stick it on the defrost function on the microwave for ten minutes."

"Right, defrost, minutes." Louis mumbled, clearly not paying attention.

"Fucking hell you boys are hopeless, I'll write it down for you." She huffed, grabbing a notepad off the kitchen counter and scribbling some instructions. "Try not to burn the house down while I'm gone." She called out as she left. Clyde only lived a couple houses down so Maddie didn't have too far to walk in the heels she had dug out from the very depths of her wardrobe. Some great aunt or other distant relative they barely keep in contact with gave them to her for Christmas saying something like 'every girl needs a pair of black heels". She remembered the gang finding the shoes and making her walk around the kitchen in them, wobbling and tripping over while they laughed their asses off.

Maddie knocked on the front door and wrapped her arms around herself. It was fucking cold outside and she hadn't grabbed a coat before she left, but the party was indoors so she hoped it wouldn't be too bad.

"MADS!" Clyde cheered as he opened the door, a can of beer in his hand, clearly already very drunk. "Holy shiiiit! You look hot!" She rolled her eyes, pushing past him so she could get indoors where it was significantly warmer. She made her way over to where Craig and Tweek were sat on the sofa. The rest of the guests weren't due to arrive for another half hour or so.  
"I already hate this." She complained, sitting down on the sofa, flinging her legs over the couple's legs.

"Then why'd you come?" Craig questioned with the smallest smirk, knowing damn well why she came.

"Because your sorry ass basically begged me to." She huffed, grabbing the bottle of vodka he had been clutching. "This is my payment now." He flipped her off and leant over the side of the sofa to grab another bottle, having prepared himself for this exact situation.

It wasn't long until the guests started arriving and Maddie had shrunk herself into the corner while she watched the house become crowded with sweaty, drunk, teens. She hadn't actually drank any of the vodka yet, wanting to save it until she needed to get shitfaced enough to ignore everything else around her. Now was that time. At first she looked around for a mixer, but when she couldn't find any bottles of lemonade or cola that weren't empty, she opted to just drink it straight from the bottle.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Eric cheered once he spotted Maddie, causing everyone else to join in. She polished off a decent amount of the bottle before stopping to flip everyone off. "Didn't take you for an alcoholic Hart!" Eric snorted, Maddie glared at him. She had a mountain of insults prepared, but instead she opted to just walk away. Still clutching the vodka, she decided to go outside for some fresh air. Her first idea was to sneak off to Clyde's room, but then she remembered that it was a high school party and there was bound to be a couple banging it out in there, so that was off the table. The garden was empty due to the weather, no one wanted to brave it outside when the inside of the house was far warmer.

"I almost didn't recognise you." A smug voice commented from beside Maddie, she hadn't even realised someone had left the house to join her. She looked up to see Kenny smirking down at her. "You clean up pretty good."

"Fuck you, I looked good anyway." She retorted, sliding down the wall to sit on the ground. "Leave me alone."

"I would leave you alone, but you're absolutely hammered and I don't feel like letting you freeze to death out here." He told her, sitting down to join her on the floor. "I mean, if you die I'll have to do the project by myself."

"And here I was thinking you were actually about to be a decent human being." Maddie sighed, closing her eyes. "The burning hatred in my heart will keep me warm."

"Add some eyeliner and you could join the goth kids." Kenny joked, but she didn't laugh. He looked over at the girl who was shivering, her eyes now closed. She was still clinging on to the bottle of vodka. He sighed and slid his orange parka off and wrapped it around the girl, thankful that he'd worn a sweater to the party.

"How drunk are you anyway?" He asked as she surprisingly gripped onto the parka and pulled it closer to her body.

"I'm still conscious, so not enough." Her words slowed as she spoke.

"You need to get home." He said firmly, standing up and offering a hand to help her up. She didn't take it. "Come on, someone could take advantage of you in this state."

"Why do you care?" Maddie retorted, not bothering to even look up at him. Kenny didn't answer her, but it didn't matter because he soon heard her light snoring. He closed his eyes for a second, not quite believing what was happening. A couple days ago he was watching her roll her eyes and joke around with her friends at lunchtime. Now she was curled up on the floor in his coat, so drunk that she had basically passed out. He leant down and scooped her up, she wasn't too heavy, he could probably keep her up for a couple minutes. He carried her inside, avoiding accidentally whacking anyone with her feet, even if he did, she probably wouldn't have woken up. His first idea was to go and talk to Clyde because it was his party and she was friends with him, but as soon as he spotted the boy shirtless and dancing on the table he knew that was out of the question. Instead he set his eyes on Craig who was still on the sofa next to Tweek, who seemed to be drunk enough to have calmed the twitching.

"Little help?" Kenny asked, nodding down to the passed out girl in his arms.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Craig demanded, standing up and grabbing at Maddie. Kenny let him take the girl from his arms.

"Made sure she didn't freeze to death when she fell asleep outside." He explained, rolling his eyes slightly. "Why did you automatically assume I did something?"

"Because you're… You." Craig gestured with his head, starting to walk away with Maddie in his arms.

"You're going to make sure she's safe, right?" Kenny asked, Craig paused slightly and looked around to face the other boy. He nodded quickly before continuing on wherever he was going, Tweek following him.

Maddie woke up with her head pounding and her stomach churning. Her hangover was definitely punishing her for drinking so much last night. She peeled her eyes open to face the sunlight pouring through the window and took in her surroundings. The first thing she noticed was a naked Clyde's leg slung over her thighs, it was then that she realised she was still in his house. Sadly, they'd all seen Clyde's naked body far more times than they'd all like to admit, so she wasn't particularly fazed by it. She just flung the blanket that was on the floor over him so she didn't have to look at it too much longer.

She got up to empty her stomach into the toilet, once done she grabbed the spare toothbrush she kept at Clyde's house and brushed her teeth. Maddie noticed that she was wearing a pair of Clyde's pyjamas, not that he ever actually wore pyjamas much to everyone's dismay at sleepovers. The biggest issue was that she didn't remember getting dressed last night, she tried to recall what the last thing she did was. She left the bathroom and spotted a familiar orange parka hanging on the back of Clyde's desk chair.

"Shit." She hissed, quiet enough so as not to wake the other boy up. "Shit shit shit shit shit." She located her purse on the desk and rifled through it for her mobile so she could text her friends.

Maddie?: hey so

Maddie?: what the actual fuck happened last night?

Thankfully, she didn't have to wait long for a response.

Craig?: you drank almost a full bottle of vodka in the space of 10 minutes

Craig?: then apparently you went outside where Kenny found you and you passed out

Maddie?: please tell me he didn't get me dressed

Craig?: he didn't

Craig?: he gave you to me downstairs so Tweek and I took you upstairs and got you dressed

Tweek : Are you okay Maddie?

Maddie smiled, Tweek was always so sweet no matter what.

Maddie?: yeah i'm okay

Maddie?: hungover as hell but okay

Craig?: serves you right vodka stealer

From his bed, Clyde groaned and sat up quite suddenly. Maddie knew what was coming and grabbed his trash can, practically throwing it at him before she ran from the room. She loved her friends and would do almost anything for them, but she would not put up with ANYONE puking around her.

"You good?" She called out after a minute or so. Clyde opened the door and Maddie almost fell over as she was leaning on it at the time.

"Yeah, thanks." He groaned, though he didn't sound good. He probably somehow drunk more than she had.

"Can you like… Put your dick away please?" She asked, looking up so she didn't have to catch any more of the unwanted peep show. He turned back around and stumbled to get some clothes on.

"What happened last night?" He asked as they walked downstairs together, Clyde leaning on the shorter girl for support- though she still felt fairly wobbly herself.

"Fuck if I know." She admitted. "I didn't talk to anyone, got shit faced, and then passed out. I think the last time I saw you you were sucking faces with Bebe." He cringed, Bebe was his ex girlfriend.

"Ah shit." He mumbled, slumping down at the kitchen table. "I hope she doesn't take that the wrong way."

"It's Bebe." Maddie pointed out, going through the kitchen cupboards quietly to not aggravate their headaches. "Of course she's going to take it the wrong way. She's probably already sent you fifty texts and twenty missed calls."

"Shiiiit." He repeated, getting up again to look around the kitchen and living room. "Where is my phone anyway?"

"Need me to call it?" Maddie offered, but he shook his head.

"No, too much noise. We'll burn that bridge when we get to it." He sighed, sitting back down as Maddie got to making some breakfast for the two of them. It wasn't the first time she'd been on hangover breakfast duty and it wouldn't be the last time. The gang were just lucky to have someone who vaguely knew their way around the kitchen, and because Maddie's family were hopeless, she had to learn to cook at a fairly young age so they wouldn't live off of takeaways for the rest of their lives.

"Burn that bridge? Don't you mean cross it?" She asked, wincing when the eggs hissed loudly when they hit the frying pan.  
"No." Clyde said firmly. "I'd definitely rather burn that bridge than cross it." He rested his head on the table, closing his eyes.

Bebe and Clyde's relationship was never a very healthy or stable one. She was controlling and stopped him from seeing all of his friends, Maddie in particular, and he was like a little puppy dog. He'd do whatever she told him to do, and she'd make him do some really stupid things for her. They didn't particularly end on a good note either, they were always on and off for one reason or another, but the final straw was when Bebe cheated on him with Kenny and it broke Clyde's heart. Since then, she'd been desperately trying to get him back, and it looked like she'd succeeded that last night.

"Hey, be a doll and grab us some aspirin or something." Maddie told Clyde, who nodded and got up to go fetch some. While the food was cooking she pulled out her phone.

Maddie?: sorry for getting shitfaced last night and passing out on you

Maddie?: would promise it wouldn't happen again but that would be a lie

Maddie?: there's like a 90% chance it'll happen again

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: aw you wanna see me again?

Maddie?: I don't want to but I do want to pass science this year so I guess I have to put up with you

Maddie?: I'll drop your coat off to you whenever we study

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: whatever you say cutie ?

"Here you go." Clyde said, putting some aspirin on the counter next to Maddie, grabbing himself some orange juice so he can take some too.

"Thanks." She swallowed hers without a drink. She sighed softly, thinking back on what she can remember from the night before and regretting it all. It was one thing getting shitfaced with her friends who she trusted, but half the school must have seen her like that. She dreaded what it would be like at school on Monday but she tried to push that to the back of her mind and focus on what she was doing now. "Breakfast is just about done, grab yourself a plate!"


	4. Chapter 3

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: meet me tweek's coffee shop

Maddie?: I'm grateful that you didn't let me die of whatever at that party

Maddie?: but I'm not grateful enough to be seen in public with you

Maddie?: plus the coffee shop has too many smells

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: too many smells?

Maddie?: don't question me

Maddie?: I mean unless you want me to puke all over you

Maddie?: actually don't answer that you're probably into sick shit like that

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: wow rude I'm not THAT bad

Maddie?: debatable

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: so where are we meeting up?

Maddie?: why are we meeting up anyway? I'll give you your coat at school on monday

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: the project?

Maddie swore under her breath as she remembered that they were partnered up.

"Whatsup?" Clyde asked through a mouthful of toast.

"Can you be any more gross?" She rolled her eyes, elbowing him lightly. "Swallow your food before you talk." He gave her a sheepish look and swallowed the toast.

"Sorry…" He mumbled. "Whats up though?"

"I was paired up with an asshole for a science project and now we actually have to meet up outside of class to get it done." She sighed dramatically and slumped down in the chair.

"Which asshole?" Clyde questioned, taking another bite of his breakfast.

"Kenny." She huffed, pushing her empty plate away from her. Clyde choked on his food.

"You're kidding!" He gasped, with food once again in his mouth.

"Dude! Swallow!" She rolled her eyes and stood up.

"That's what she said." He smirked. "But seriously, you actually have to talk to him? For like… Long periods of time?"

"Sadly." Maddie groaned, collecting the plates and putting them in the sink. "I cooked so you're washing up. I gotta get home and get dressed into my own clothes."

"What? No! You need to stay and help me clean up the party stuff before my dad gets home this evening!" Clyde protested, standing up and grabbing onto Maddie's arm.

"Nope! No no nope no nada nope!" She called, prying her arm out of his grip. "You sir, are lucky I cooked for you. I could have bailed before you woke up." She pointed out as she went to make her way upstairs to grab her stuff and Kenny's coat. She debated getting dressed into the black dress again, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. After all, she only lived a couple houses down, who would see her dressed in Clyde's pyjamas anyway?

Bebe. That's who would see her. She opened Clyde's front door just as Bebe got halfway down the front path. The girl glared at her and Maddie froze.

"Unbelievable!" Bebe huffed, storming off. Clyde left the house at the same time, calling after her and yelling 'It's not what it looks like!'. Maddie winced and groaned, dreading the rumours that would be spread about her by the time she got to school on Monday. Not only was she doing practically the walk of shame, she was in Clyde's pyjamas and clutching Kenny's orange parka. She rushed back home and into her room before any of her brothers found her. As usual, her dad was at work so she didn't have to worry about him catching her. Her phone buzzed the moment she threw it down onto her bed.

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: ignoring me wont make me or the project go away

Maddie?: if only it were that easily

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: so where and when are we meeting?

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: my place is off limits

Maddie?: I guess you can come round mine

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: oh can I?

Maddie?: I take it back

Maddie?: you know I think failing science wouldn't be too bad

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: come on

Kenny? ﾟﾑﾌ: whats your address? I'll be there in an hour

Reluctantly, Maddie gave Kenny her address. After that, she hopped into the shower to wash off last night's regret. She was mid way through washing her hair when the bathroom door began to open.

"I don't know which asshole you are but get out, I'm showering." She called, assuming it was one of her older brothers who were apparently deaf to the sound of the running shower.

"That's why I came in." A voice joked, and she immediately knew who it was. Moving faster than she thought was possible, she turned the shower off and grabbed a towel, thankful that the shower screen had steamed up so he couldn't see her. Peeking out from behind the screen she scowled at the boy who smirked back at her.

"Hey can I ask you something?" She asked sweetly, shocking Kenny. He nodded. "What the actual fuck is wrong with you?" She yelled, not caring if her brothers heard.

"Woah woah relax! I didn't realise you were showering! I asked your brother where you were and he said upstairs, the second door on the right! How was I supposed to know this wasn't your bedroom?" He protested.

"Urgh okay can you just… Get out? I need to get dressed. My room is the one opposite here." She sighed, as he opened the door she called out one last thing. "And don't fucking touch ANYTHING!"

Once Maddie was dressed, she wrapped her hair up in a towel and went back to her room. She really didn't care what she looked like, and if anything she hoped that by looking like a drowned rat Kenny would leave her the hell alone. When she went back into her room she caught Kenny rifling through her underwear drawer.

"Oh are you fucking kidding me?" She sighed and slammed the drawer shut, trapping Kenny's fingers.

"Hey!" He complained, pulling his fingers out of the drawer and holding them out. "Look! They're all red and sore now! How am I going to write?" He pouted dramatically.

"Oh boo hoo." Maddie rolled her eyes. "Buck it up princess." She reached over for her backpack and grabbed her school books, opting to sit on her bed as opposed to at her desk.

"So? What are we doing?" Kenny grinned, sitting down next to Maddie and kicking his shoes off. She at him with a blank stare, unsure if he was being serious or not.

"Studying?" She told him, no emotion in her voice whatsoever. "Specifically studying Venus Fly Traps, there's a whole section on them on page 68 in 'Biology: A Global Approach."

"Yeah uhhh…" Kenny laid back on Maddie's bed. "So I didn't bring that."

"You're fucking kidding, right?" She glared at him, but the look on his face told her he wasn't kidding. "Fine. I'll do some research on my laptop and you can look at the information in my book, write down whatever you think is relevant, even if you're not sure if it'll be relevant, write it down."

"Okay! Okay! I know how to study!" He protested, sitting up and taking the book and the notepad and pen she was reluctantly handing over to him. "What, you worried I'll find your secret porn stash on your laptop?"

"Oh honey I'm no ametur, I don't save it to my laptop and I only use incognito mode." She told him, typing rapidly on the keys. He paused and looked up at her to see if she was joking or being serious, but she didn't show any signs of being either. She noticed that he wasn't paying any attention to the book or writing anything else down. "What?"

"My fingers hurt because you trapped them." He pouted. "I can't write if my fingers hurt." Maddie threw her head back and sighed.

"You're impossible." She groaned, closing her laptop. "If we're not gonna study, get out of my house."

"Don't you think we should get to know one another if we're raising plants together?" He asked, gesturing over at the venus fly traps on her desk. "I mean what would… Ben and Jerry? Really?" He laughed, reading the little nametags she had given them.

"Yes really." She closed her eyes. "Fine! Fine! We'll 'get to know one another' or whatever." She took the book and notepad back from him, putting them back in her backpack.

"I know one way we could do that." Kenny winked, scooching closer to Maddie on her bed. She immediately moved away from him.

"Ew, no." She objected, standing up and opening her bedroom door. "Hey! Any assholes home?" She called out, not getting a response.

"Your brother was on his way out when I got here." Kenny told her. "I didn't see your parents anywhere."

"My dad would be at work as always, and it's Saturday so I think Louis should be at work too. Noah is probably at the library studying… But where would Thomas be?" She spoke more to herself than to Kenny. She snapped her fingers when she remembered. "Thomas said he'd be out with his girlfriend."

"You have three brothers?" Kenny asked, Maddie nodded. "What about your mom?"

"In a grave back in New York." She replied quickly, not wanting to dwell on that subject. Kenny noticed her change in demeanor and didn't ask any further questions. "If there's no one else home we can go play some games in the living room."

"Some games?" He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. She clenched her jaw and shook her head, trying her best not to slap him.

"You're on thin ice Kenneth." She told him. "Real thin ice."

"What sort of games do you have then?" He asked, following her out of the room and down the stairs. She opened up a cupboard to reveal the large collection of video games she and her brothers had collected over the years. "Holy shit!" Kenny gasped, eagerly inspecting them all.

Maddie smiled slightly at his almost childlike wonder. "Take your pick."

During the gaming session Kenny took every opportunity to make suggestive comments to Maddie, and she brushed them all up. It was about 3 hours later when one of her brothers came home, and the pair were still gaming.

"Louis and Thomas said they won't be home for dinner, I can sort myself out." Noah informed his sister before disappearing off to his own room.

"Ah shit yeah dinner, food, fuck." Maddie sighed, checking her watch. "I could order us in some thai food or something?"

"Us?" Kenny smirked, placing the game controller on his lap and leaning back on the sofa.

"Yeah yeah, don't get a big head." She sighed, standing up. "You in or not?"

"I'm in." He replied with a grin, standing up with her. The pair made their way to the kitchen where Maddie removed a magnet from the fridge and took the menu it had been holding up.

"Just scribble a K or something next to what you want. I'll probably get enough so there's leftovers for my dad when he gets home too." She told him, handing over the menu and a pen.

"Is your dad at work a lot?" He asks her, sitting at the kitchen table. She sits down opposite him and sighs again.

"Yeah, he is." She explains quietly. "He's a cop and he just… He throws himself into his work with no fucking cares, no concern about getting hurt, no consideration about how his family feel it's…" She closes her eyes and rests her head in her hand. "Sorry."

"What for?" Kenny asks, looking up at Maddie. He could sense that she needed a subject change as soon as possible. "Okay so I picked what I want, you can narrow it down if it's too much." He slid the menu across the table to her and she studied it.

"These are some solid choices! I'm shocked!" She joked. He gave her a questioning look, unsure of what she's shocked by. "You actually have some good taste!"


	5. Chapter 4

"I bet I can make you fall in love with me." Kenny smirked. Maddie let out a short and sharp 'Ha!' in response as she shook her head.

"Oh as if." She rolled her eyes, shovelling food into her mouth. There had definitely been way more food than they had expected, and while dishing them up their eyes were much too big for their stomachs, but they were determined to finish what they had.

"I could! Easily!" He challenged with a grin, but Maddie continued to shake her head.

"Sweetie I don't even think I have the capacity to feel love." She laughed, Kenny choked on his food for a moment, not expecting that response.

"Wait but don't you love your friends and family?" He questioned, an eyebrow raised.

"That's a different type of love." She pointed out, jamming her fork in his direction.

"So are you telling me you've never fallen in love? Like ever?" Kenny asked in disbelief.

"Have you?" Maddie retorted with a smirk.

"I… Well... I…" He was at a loss for words, knowing she was right. Sure he'd 'dated' a lot of girls, and slept with even more than that, but he had never felt anything more than pure lust for anyone. "Fine, you're right." Maddie grinned in response to this, and there was a moment of peaceful silence between the two as they ate.

"Okay." She said suddenly, slowly nodding her head.

"Okay what?" Kenny questioned.

"The bet is on." She told him, his eyes widened and another smirk crossed his lips. "BUT-"

"There's always a but." He rolled his eyes, but the smirk remained. "But what?"

"There are going to be some conditions." She said, standing up from the table and picking up her plate. "No using dirty tactics. That means no bribing or blackmailing, no taking advantage of me while I'm drunk, and no lying to me about shit."

"That's all fair." He nodded as she collected their now empty plates. "How about we say I've got until the end of our project to make you fall in love with me?"

"A month? You underestimate me." Maddie laughed, as she started to wash the plates and cutlery they'd used. Kenny stood up to join her, picking up a cloth to he could help dry up.

"You underestimate my charms." He joked, sliding his arms around her waist from behind.

"Hands off the goods sir, you're not authorised to touch them." She told him, shaking her head. He laughed and did as she said, picking up the plates she'd just washed to dry them. As the pair finished up Maddie's phone buzzed in her pocket.

Craig?: Come over

Maddie?: can't right now bubs

Craig?: My parents aren't home

Maddie?: stop acting like this is a booty call

Maddie?: why do you want me over?

Craig?: Wanna make sure you're still alive after last night and someone hasn't just stolen your phone and pretended to be you

Maddie?: awwww Craggle is worried about me?

Craig?: Wow nevermind

Craig?: No one else has the balls to call me Craggle

Maddie?: I am known for my massive balls

Maddie chuckled as she typed that.

"What are you laughing at?" Kenny asked, the pair had gone to sit back on the sofa as she messaged Craig.

"My balls." She smirked, causing him to give her a very strange and confused look.

"Damn I guess I've got a lot to learn about you." Kenny then joked, Maddie rolled her eyes.

Craig?: Whatever

Craig?: Why can't you come over?

Maddie?: I'm busy

Craig?: Dude just admit that you'd rather play video games by yourself

Craig?: Don't lie to me

Maddie?: if you must know I'm working on my science project with Kenny

They weren't technically working on the project, but she knew that sounded better than 'Hey I can't come over and play video games with you because I'm playing video games with that guy we're all supposed to hate'.

Craig?: It's almost midnight why tf are you still studying?

Craig?: Wait is he round your house?

Maddie?: yeah but don't worry

Maddie?: Noah is around somewhere so he can make sure there's no funny business or whatever

Craig?: Noah is the single least threatening person I have ever met

Craig?: He couldn't do shit and you know it

Maddie?: okay I can't argue there

Maddie?: but you know I can fend for myself or do you forget the time I gave you a black eye when you snuck up on me?

Craig?: As if you'd ever let me forget that

Craig?: Tweek just got here so I'll talk to you tomorrow

Maddie?:don't be silly, wrap your willy

"Damn it's midnight already?" Maddie mumbled, shoving her phone back in her pocket. "I'm afraid only my dad and Thomas drive and both of them are out tonight so I can't offer you a ride home." Kenny automatically let out a loud and dramatic sigh.

"I guess I'll have no other choice but to stay here tonight." He grinned, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and stretching his arms. "What a shame."

"Ha! Nice joke!" Maddie snorted, nudging his feet back down for what was probably the seventh time that night.

"Oh come on! The streets are so dangerous at night!" He said dramatically. "I know a kind hearted person such as yourself would never send someone out to roam the streets where they could get hurt."

"Ha! Kind hearted! That's funny, you're funny!" She laughed sarcastically. "Come on, shift your butt and get out of my house."

"My stuff is still upstairs!" He pointed out and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine, go get it. But you gotta be quick." She told him. He quickly jumped up from the sofa and she listened as he stomped his way upstairs. She knew Noah would have something to say about how much noise he was making, but that wasn't her problem. Memories of what had happened earlier in the day suddenly resurfaced. Sighing, she pulled her phone back out of her pocket.

Maddie?: yo

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: whatsup?

Clyde responded quickly as usual, he was almost always on his phone.

Maddie?: I meant to message you earlier but I got distracted

Maddie?: did you catch up with Bitchbe?

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: i tried but she didn't want to hear it

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: she was so pissed off

Maddie?: wow can't wait to be slut shamed at school

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: you don't think she'd say anything right?

Maddie?: oh you sweet, naive lil bubba

Maddie?: she has probably already messaged half of the school and told them we slept together

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: shit

Maddie?: yeah, shit

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: i'll see what damage control i can do

Maddie?: I'll stay out of it as much as I can

Maddie?: you know me, I have a tendency to make things worse

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: god i know

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: still not over the time you tried to convince everyone i didn't have hiv when cartman went around telling everyone i did

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: and instead convinced everyone that i 'only had herpes at most'

Maddie?: I said I was sorry and I bought you lunch for a month!  
Maddie?: just consider it payback for that time you told everyone I fainted because I was anorexic and not because I'm anemic

Clyde? ﾟﾏﾻ: okay yeah thats fair

As Maddie read the message she realised Kenny still hadn't returned downstairs. Assuming that he was probably going through her underwear or something she raced up stairs as quietly as possible.

"Alright you-" She paused as she swung open the door, expecting to catch him in the act, but instead he was asleep on her bed. "Oh for fuck sake." She mumbled.

Maddie was torn between waking him up and demanding that he leave or just leaving him there and going to go sleep on the sofa downstairs. Eventually she just gathered her pyjamas and got dressed for bed in her bathroom. She decided she'd make a bit of noise while doing so and if he woke up she'd make him leave, if he didn't she'd just go and sleep on the sofa. It was a Sunday night so she knew they'd have to go to school the next day and she tried to figure out what to do if he did end up staying over. She'd probably pinch some clothes off of one of her brothers for Kenny to wear, and she'd make sure they went in to school separately. There would already be enough rumours about her and Clyde being spread around, she really didn't need any more with Kenny.

Once she was dressed, Maddie left the bathroom and raised an eyebrow when she saw that Kenny was still asleep. Shaking her head, she went to her wardrobe and pulled out a spare duvet and pillow she kept for when one of her friends would stay over. It still smelt mildly like Craig's cologne with a hint of alcohol because she couldn't be bothered to stick it in the wash and wait hours for it to dry whenever they had an impromptu 'lets get drunk and bitch about everything' sleepover, which was about once every two weeks.  
As she made her way out of the bedroom Kenny started to stir.

"Where are you going?" He mumbled, peeling his eyes open to look at her.

"To sleep on the sofa because you've stolen my bed." She told him, turning around in the doorway to face him.

"It's a double bed, it's meant for two people." He pointed out, pulling the covers over himself.

"Even if I were to sleep in a bed with you- which by the way I am not doing- I am a kicker. I will beat you black and blue in my sleep." She said jokingly, though she wasn't joking. There was a reason her friends would only share a bed with her while she was drunk, she'd only be still if she was passed out as opposed to properly sleeping.

"Kinky." He grinned and she rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I can take it."

"I'm still not sharing a bed with you." She said, clutching the spare duvet cover and holding it closer to her.

"I'll sleep on the floor, then. You should at least sleep in your own bed." He yawned, standing up.

"Wow, what a gentleman." Maddie snorted, walking past him and flopping down onto her bed, throwing the spare duvet and pillow at Kenny as she fell. "Be warned, I snore."

"Meh, that doesn't bother me." He shrugged. "It's kind of cute."

"HA!" She laughed. "You've never heard me snore! It is anything but cute! Token has videos of me snoring so loud that he could hear me from the other room." At this point she was just trying to say anything that would deter him from sleeping over. Evidently, it wasn't working as he had snuggled into the duvet and pillow on the floor with his eyes already shut.

"Night Maddie." He yawned, rolling onto his side to face her.

"Night asshole." She sighed, a small smile toying on her face as she closed her eyes and slipped into a deep face.


End file.
